boys and growing up; what will i do when they’re gone?

What will I do when all my boys are grown and on their own and the bathroom doesn’t smell like stale urine anymore? What will I do when I no longer have to wipe the seat off before I pee so that I don’t get a piss covered ass? When there’s nobody up at 6:00am using a remote control car and crashing loudly into things while everyone else is still asleep?

And how will I live without someone coming into my room before it gets light outside and waking me up, only to ask a random question about life?

Boys. Boys. What will I do when my boys are all grown and I no longer can force them to cuddle with me? When they are all bigger than me and don’t fit in my lap anymore? When instead of asking me questions nonstop about the meaning of life, trees, birds, dirt, space ships, cars, West African beetles and shampoo…… what will I do?

When their is nobody breaking my stuff anymore, or losing my stuff or eating my secret snacks, and when I no longer have to yell at anyone to stop wrestling, or stop farting on someone, or stop burping in someone’s face, or to be nice to your sister, and not to hit girls, and not to put caterpillar’s on your sisters bed.

What will I do with all of that extra time. 

This might seem like a sarcastic way of saying I can’t wait; But it is not; these questions are very real. I do not know what I will do without all my little boys driving me crazy with their wrestling and teasing and throwing stuff around, when I don’t have anyone to say, “if you want to wrestle go outside” too, or “If you want to play ball go outside” will I be an old lady someday in a nursing home sitting in a wheelchair and yelling those things out loud to nobody? 

Sometimes I know that the boys think I can’t stand them; and sometimes I honestly can’t. When you get a call that your son “pants” a kid at recess it’s hardly a proud moment. But that passes, it lasts only briefly and the sounds of the boys, and the smells of the boys carry on as a part of my life that I love. I may not know what to do and how to do it, or the answers to all of their questions, yet I try my best.

I give them things to make messes with; I let them run wild with no shoes or shirts and experience the feeling of the earth beneath their feet. I let them cook and explore the kitchen and make a mess when even though they ^promise^ that this time they will clean it up; I know they won’t.

And I give them the same weekly chores as the girls, to show them gender equality and personal responsibility; I will not be raising a lazy husband if I can help it. 

I teach them to be kind, to love each other; to love family and protect each other, to stand up for each other if anything goes wrong . I remind them, “don’t forget to wash your hands, and don’t forget to say thank you” so that sometime it will just become something that they remember without having to be reminded…

I tell them it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to have feelings;  I want them to feel comfortable talking about their feelings, to me, and if not me than to someone; anyone as long as they know that it’s normal and a part of life to feel if you are a boy or a girl.

I talk openly about breastfeeding, I want to raise men that know it is a normal thing to do.

We discuss health issues, nutritional issues; and about all the new things that I learn  I try to share my knowledge with them, my boys.

 I want them to be confident, independent and ready to conquer the world, all the while knowing that if they need someone they can call me. 

That is what I will do; Someday they will be grown and gone and that is ok and I will be here navigating my new quieter life without the farts and wrestling yet I will always be just a phone call away.

But for now I will go and clean the pee from the floor by the toilet…… 

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