IT’S NOT THAT LOVING FEELING and bicycles in the driveway

That feeling.

Do you know that feeling? I know that you know what I am talking about, at least if you are a mother you do. I can’t speak for fathers, although I’m quite sure my dad, a single father of two girls…felt it.

That feeling when you are so agitated with everything that you want to escape but you can’t because shit still needs to be done. That feeling that (even though you wouldn’t really do it) you want to run to the store and buy two bottles of wine; one for the ride home, and the other for before you walk back in the door.

I almost want to describe the feeling as being a match and being rubbed, over and over and on the brink of striking but not. striking. yet.  

Everything is annoying. It’s like a serious sensory overload, the half eaten apple your daughter has sitting next to her on the table while she does her homework makes you want to scream; the homework itself makes you want to pull your kids out of public school and open your own school. You find yourself cursing the teacher, thinking WTF do my kids learn all day if they have according to them, never heard of or learned about anything on their homework sheet before in their entire life. 

That kid that wants to tell you about her field trip that is coming up in three weeks? You do not care. Tell me about it the night before, if I feel like it, I might sign the permission slip; or I might not.

That one child that just constantly talks so loud, you know this child! You can hear him even in your room, with the AC on and the door shut and a pillow over your head. Like why? Why are you so damn LOUD?

The dogs that won’t stop barking and then when realize they have to go out, so you try to take them for a walk and they pull you down the stairs and you trip and twist the same ankle you twisted last week doing the same exact thing.

That feeling. This feeling; why do you ask if you can play outside when you really just want to go in and out of the house every five seconds asking for something else?

Why not just say:

“Hey Mom! Can I go in and out of the house and leave the door open every time for the next hour? And as you already know I will be thirsty, hungry, cold, then hot and need a band-aid as well!”

The bicycle in the driveway. The other bicycle in the driveway. Need I say more? I will anyway….

The jar of barbecue sauce that has been on the picnic table since Sunday, that you did not care about all week, suddenly is making you feel like a total slob.

The feeling that if one more fight between children breaks out you want to fall (jump) off the roof, and hope that at the very least you break a few bones and get confined to the hospital for a few days.

The feeling that enough is enough; that for some reason every time you go over to the bathroom and shut off the light and shut the door – someone leaves it on and open 5 seconds later. When even for some reason your husband is irritating the living shit out of you, and yes even he left the door wide open and the AC is on full blast.

Throw into the mix a five year old boy that is having a growth spurt. A very obvious one, and acts like he has just returned from a month long journey to a foreign country where their is not food, so he had to fast, thus he is completely STARVING, and apparently his metabolism works so fast that even though he just ate something, the calories are already burnt (most likely from going in and out of the house so much, see above) and he is STARVING again. He’s so hungry he offers to “help” you cook dinner, because you just aren’t fulfilling his needs. When are you cooking dinner? No really, when are you cooking because once it is 5:00 and they see that you are not yet cooking, at least in my house – you get bombarded with questions.

“Why aren’t you making dinner yet!?” Not in a rude tone, asked by nine year old daughter; genuinely she seemed concerned.

“What’s for dinner?”

“What’s for dinner?” At this point, after 6 of the 7 kids that are still at home, ask me I want to scream, “seriously you little fuckers do you have to eat every goddamn day!” No wonder I can’t lose any weight everyone in this house is hungry all the fucking time! How can you diet when you are surrounded by people that want to: EAT EVERYDAY!!

But seriously. I know, I know I need to feed them everyday and of course I do. Everyday three plus meals and snacks and more snacks, and occasionally a dessert. Oh and did I say snacks? Have you ever noticed that when one of your children is hungry, suddenly everyone is hungry? Like, you can’t follow your own hunger instincts, you have to bite off of your siblings.

Sometimes I argue with my husband over this because all jokes aside I believe that kids need to learn to recognize the signs that tell them that their body is hungry versus just eating because your brother is eating.  ((side note: my 13 year old son just asked me if I know what I am making for dinner)) So just because one kid is hungry and I give them an orange does that mean that I need to give out 7 more oranges, and if it does than maybe we should consider opening an orange grove because our little one is always hungry. So we argue because he thinks that I am not being fair if I don’t give everyone a snack but I believe that their is a huge difference from wanting to eat and eating because you are actually hungry. Really he does not even come close to getting this concept because *he is always hungry just like our five year old.

Anyway to get back to my point. Some days, as mothers – whether we are step-moms, or birth-moms, whether we are stay-at-home moms, or work full, part-time or two jobs. Whether we are single or married SOMETIMES WE JUST GET THAT FEELING…… 

Now. I am going to brush it off and go make dinner before my kids all starve to death, and I have a grouping of kids grazing in my yard, because my five year old already told me earlier he was going to go eat the grass outside.

When is the last time you got that feeling?


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